There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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