omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
