I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
