Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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