I hope mine doesn't look like that
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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