Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
