Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
