I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i will never coherently bang her
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
