hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
