so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
