nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
