Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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