Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
