I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
