Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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