Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
