Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
