i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
