UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
