can we get nightvision for the apartment?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
