That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
