im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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