ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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