how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
