the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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