K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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