i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
