Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
