Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize