Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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