Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
