i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
