Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
