Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
