You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
