There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
