i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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