dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
