Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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