found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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