3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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