You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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