Pappa wants mamma naked
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
