the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
