I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
