In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Damn victory sex feels great
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