last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
