The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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