Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
