So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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