Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
